7 Things (11/9-11/15).

1. D.C.
MD-BF and I had a great time last weekend. I don’t have many pics of D.C., mainly because we steered clear of all the monuments and memorial shit, as they were overpopulated with obnoxious children and their mullet-loving parents. I did however snap a few shots of these fun ladies, who were hanging outside of our hotel:

This one is spying on her friends:

And this one had a little too much fun Friday night:

2. Wednesday Night Supper Club, Resurrected.
This week Lady R., Jeannie, A.Rod and I decided to resurrect our Wednesday Night Supper Club… on a Monday. Our meal was a simple whole wheat pasta dish with red sauce and a melange of whatever veggies Jeannie and A.Rod had in the fridge. We of course had our signature garlic bread and a bottle or two of red. For our movie, we decided to get nostalgic for the 90’s and watch Dick Tracy. I remember being big into D.T. as a child. My favorite character was The Brow:

I think I was a fan because my dad used to get a brow every time he took off his glasses. When the movie first came out I remember being disappointed because The Brow bit it in the very first scene. This time around, eighteen years later (eek!), I still wasn’t impressed. All though Jeannie thought the movie had the most “Saturation [of color] she had seen in years,” we all sort of agreed that Madonna can’t really sing.

3. MD-BF Goes LCB-HDTV!
It finally worked! After month of whispering subliminal messages to him while he slept, my BF got a new flat screen TV:

Now I can go back to whispering about the other thing I want him to buy, my Stanley:

4. My Latest Obsession:
iPhone Scrabble.

I haven’t even finished reading my last two issues of Entertainment Weekly because now all of my precious subway time is now spent trying to get Bingoes. (A bingo is when you lay all seven letters down on the board at once.) So far, I’ve gotten three. I also like trying to play dirty words. For the record, you can use “poon” and “taint,” but not “cunt.”

5. Raul!
This week I went with my (MD)BF to see my other BF (Raul) in Speed the Plow.

He had to be kind of un-sexy and disheveled in the first act, which was a bit disappointing (and a true testament to how good of an actor really he is.) But don’t worry, by act three he was back to being suave and muy caliente. Good looks aside, he could also act circles around the two TV “stars” that he was forced to share the stage with.

6. ANTM.
Okay, I think it’s pretty obvious that McKey is the only one left at this point with even a fraction of the talent that it should take to win this Pony Show. However, let me remind you that this is America’s Next Top Model and that they rarely pick a deserving winner. (Hello, Whitney and Mushroom Head.) A few weeks back I started getting a sneaking suspicion that they were pimping this clown to be this cycle’s unemployable “winner:”

Ugly-pretty? Or just Pretty-annoying?

7. Top Chef.
Yay! Now that we are living in a Project Runway-less world, I am glad to have my Padma & Co. back.

None of the contests really struck me as lovable or loathable just yet. But don’t worry, once I start passing judgment, you’ll be the first to know. That being said, this contestant did stick out to me as being a very convincing drag queen version of Daryl Hannah:

DAY 248: Victory!!! (Part Two)

The meeting between me, Jeffrey, Evil Landlord and Dreadlocked Lawyer was brief, yet awkward. Dreads asked Evil L. what we owed him… as if this was the first time they had even discussed the case! Evil L. handed Dreads a crumpled piece of paper. Dreads asked us if the amount on the piece of paper was correct. Jeffrey, in full Brockovich mode, said yes, the amount was correct… but we weren’t paying it.

Because his momma didn’t raise no fool, Dreads knew that neither side was going to budge. So he brought us into the secret back room in the court, where we met with a new character: Big Braids Bailiff. Because they had similar hairstyles, Dreads and B.B.B. (Big Braids Bailiff) were already friends. B.B.B. also already knew Evil Landlord, and not in a good way. They seemed to be on a first name basis. I’m guessing wasn’t his first time at the rodeo.

B.B.B. asked us what the situation was. We gave her a very, very, very, very abbreviated version. Like if you gave someone Cliff Notes on the Cliff Notes for “War and Peace.” Evil L. tried to deny some of the problems with our apartment, but B.B.B was having none of it. Instead she chided him for showing up late and making us wait in court all morning.

When asked how we wanted to settle this, Jeffrey and I gave Evil L. two options:

1. We pay back one of the three months we owe him, but then he has to give us some sort of guarantee that we are going to get our deposit back when we move out.

or

2. We don’t pay back any of the three months we owe him and he can keep the damn deposit.

I think I saw a blood vessel in Evil L’s face pop. He wanted us to pay back two of the three months, and then we could worry about the deposit later. Hell to the no! Jeffrey and I stood our ground and said that we would rather go in front of the judge than take his bullshit offer. We didn’t go though all this to break even.

Dreads pulled Evil L. back out into the hallway and Jeffrey and I sat in the secret back room with B.B.B. and watched the raindrops roll down the window. The funniest part about this whole ordeal so far, was that no one even bothered to take a look at Jeffrey’s jam-packed binder full of evidence against Evil L. His reputation truly proceeded him in court. We could have said anything we wanted about him and they would have believed us.

When Dreads and Evil L. returned, Evil L. looked like a puppy dog with his tail between his legs. Except, this was one puppy dog that no one felt any sympathy for.

When Evil L. gave us his new counter offer, I almost jumped out of my chair and yelled “Sucka!” His new agreement was that we wouldn’t have to pay the three months we owe, but we would pay full rent in June and move out by the end of the month. Also, he was keeping the deposit. So basically… it was Option #2, except we had to move out sooner. Which really, was fine with us. We are sooooo over this place and ready to move on.

After signing the settlement, Evil L. high tailed it out of the court room. He had rents to raise! Jeffrey and I finally got to appear in front of the judge… alone. The judge was a kind, yet stern-when-she-needed-to-be Latina woman. She went over the settlement with us and had us sign it. I like to think that we were her favorite case of the day, since we were probably the only people that appeared in front of her all day with a smile on their face.

Tonight to celebrate, we had our Wednesday Night Supper Club, where A. Rod made sushi! It was amazing.

Of course because we can never win 100%… Evil Landlord tried to get the last laugh. As I started doing the dishes, the hot water shut off completely. I had to boil water on the stove to finish.

Like I said, moving out this shithole by the end of June… is not going to be a problem.

DAY 240: Doomsday (For My Teeth.)

I promised myself that before I spaz out and quit my job, I have to take full advantage of my dental benefits. There’s only one problem… I fear going to the dentist.

The last time I went was years ago. No, we’re talking years ago. Actually, I was in a very similar situation. I hated my pharmacy job back in MN, but wouldn’t let myself quit until after I finally got my wisdom teeth taken out. As soon as the bills for that delightful procedure were paid for by my insurance, I turned in my two weeks notice.

I haven’t been back to the dentist since. You do the math. I’m too scared to.

There’s no beatin’ around the bush: My grill is busted y’all. It’s not that I don’t brush my teeth. I do. Religiously. Twice a day. But I think I did so much damage to them when I was a kid, that they’ll never bounce back.

First of all, I never drank milk as a child. I was allergic. So while my sister and brother never had any cavities, my weak, brittle teeth welcomed them. I also used to be a soda fiend. There was one point in my life where I could not fall asleep without having a Pepsi first. And those were back in the days when I didn’t always brush my teeth before bed. Oops.

Even though I stopped drinking soda years ago, and I now have milk every morning in my Starbucks Grande Misto, the damage has already been done. I know my teeth are rotting out of my head, and that’s why I have been avoiding the dentist like the plague. In fact, at this point I would much rather suffer the plague than the dentist’s chair.

However, today at work someone really pissed me off. Knowing I can’t last there much longer, I picked up the phone and dialed (without letting my brain process what was actually happening.)

The lady on the phone sounded very friendly. Almost forgiving, like she wouldn’t yell at you for having ruined your teeth as a child. I asked to set up an appointment, and much to my horror, she told me that she had a last minute opening for tomorrow morning. I screamed silently in my head. I knew I just needed to rip the band-aid off and get it over with.

I said yes. And now I’m officially freaking out.

So to change that subject, here’s what we had for our Wednesday Night Supper Club, which is now on Tuesdays:

Homemade Fake Spicy Sausage Pizza
Tabula Rasa Pizza Crust (Trader Joe’s)
Marinara Sauce
Tomato
Red Pepper
Mushroom
Crumbled Tomato Basil Veggie Burger (Morning Star)
Jalapeno Cheese
Red Pepper Flakes, Ground Pepper

And now tonight, I’m going to brush my teeth until they bleed.

DAY 233: Eating Good… On Tuesdays Now.

For the next 8 weeks, my Wednesday Night Supper Club has been moved to Tuesdays… or whatever day works best for everyone else. Because I love throwing money away, I signed up for yet another improv class at the UCB, and it happens to meet on Wednesdays.

Today, it was a much welcomed change, as I had an unexpectedly stressful day at work… which could only be cured by the exact combination of Jeffrey, Jeannie, A. Rod, American Idol, Wife Swap, good home cooking, ice cream sundaes and magic cookies. In other words, an overload of goodness.

A couple of weeks ago I had the great idea to start writing down everything that I’ve been making for my W.N.S.C. It would be like a cookbook, but more than just recipes. It could also be a time capsule of what was going on in the world of Reality TV and my Brooklyn Buddies.

However, before I could start this project, I wanted to find the perfect journal for it. It needs big, blank pages on the inside, and a cover that conveys a certain quirky/coolness to it. It should also be food-related. Like maybe if there was a collage of baked hams, or really waxy looking food that was taken out of a cookbook from the 60’s. Oh yeah, and the color red. Because that reminds me of that bitch Betty Crocker.

Surprisingly… I have yet to find that exact journal. But, dios mio, I am starting to forget everything I have made! So until I find/make that perfect journal (which could be never), I guess I’ll just post my recipes here.

Here’s what you missed out on tonight:

Untitled Thai Green Curry Dish

White Rice

Shrimp

Tofu

Red Bell Peppers

Snow Peas

Salt, Pepper, Oregano, Cayenne

Trader Joe’s Thai Green Curry Simmer Sauce

Lime Juice

Yes, I cooked tofu for the first time. (Thanks to my almost-Vegan(?) friend Nora, who gave me the 411 on how to squeeze tofu.) However, last night’s dish did not have the snow peas, thanks to Bed-Stuy’s own Bravo Supermercado where the “fresh” snow peas were covered in mold.

But none-the-less, I think the dish turned out pretty damn good… if you want my completely unbiased opinion.

AND IN OTHER NEWS…

Today at work someone told me that I sort of look like one of the gays on Brothers & Sisters:

Um, I wish???

I can only assume she was talking about the ‘mo on the right, because his hair is longer. But he has Hollywood Hair. Someones does that shit up for him on a daily basis. It takes me longer to dry my hair than it does to style it. Because I don’t style it.

When I googled the actor on the right I discovered that everyone thinks he was/is dating Wentworth Miller:

Umm, I wish x2. I would gladly be his bitch.

DAY 205: Four Quickies.

1. This morning I gave up my seat on the A train for a mother and child. Bitch didn’t thank me. I shot her dirty looks in between Sudoku puzzles. (Yes, I’ve turned into a Sudoku person. It’s my secret shame.)

2. When I got to Starbucks for my morning Misto, the barista was cooing over some stupid baby in front of me. She took my order, but then started ringing up the customers behind me. When my drink was up, I took it and ran. I give Starbucks $2.55 Monday through Friday, I think I deserve a freebie every once in awhile. Also, I considered it karmic payback for my thankless act of giving up my seat on the subway this morning.

3. Today at work I had the misfortune of hearing my female co-worker (the one that I can’t stand) utter the phrase “panties off.” Chunks were rising. They still are.

4. Tonight for our weekly Wednesday Night TV Dinner Club, I made a creamy shrimp and pasta dish. It was a semi-complicated dish that involved boiling, frying, and baking. I was really surprised at how well it turned out. However, I had also eaten 1/4 of a pot cookie, and everything tastes better when slightly stone. Take for example our dessert: Brownie Sundaes. Mmmmm.

DAY 198: The Joke’s On Me.

I know Monday I April Fooled about tonight being my last dinner before my (fake) 30 Day Master Cleanse Journey. But tonight, I really did eat like it was my last meal.

My food feast began at work. Just because I don’t like most of my my co-workers doesn’t mean that I’m not going to eat their birthday cake! It had been a crazy busy day, so of course I decided to stress eat a gianormous piece of Oreo cake.

As you may know, Wednesday night is TV/Food Night at the Kennedy-Marx household. But since work was so busy, I couldn’t sneak out early to come home and prepare a healthy, well-balanced meal. So instead, we ordered in Chinese food. Jeannie and I split an order of rice with veggies and tofu. And no, veggies dripping in grease don’t really count as being veggies anymore.

For desert (because there’s always desert at my house), I used my new impulse-buy-muffin-pan to make cupcakes! Lady R also had brought Cookies & Cream ice cream. And since I hadn’t had an Oreo in at least 4 hours, it ate that too.

So, just to review:

PLUS

PLUS

PLUS

EQUALS

AND

AND

AND

DAY 135: The End Of My Single Life / The End Of My Tether.

Tonight was my last night of singledom before I embark on my month long dating journey. To celebrate, Jeffrey, Jeannie and I had our weekly food/booze/reality tv bonanza. I defied seasons and made an avocado summer pasta, and Jeffrey and Jeannie supplied the wine. Our five course tv dinner included: South Park, Celebrity Rehab, Janice Dickinson Tranny Fest, American Idol, and Make Me A Supermodel. Jeffrey’s latest boytoy showed up just in time to help us polish off a whole plate of (No Pudge!) Brownies and our third bottle of red. And as always, the night ended with all of us piled on Jeffrey’s bed, watching the latest straight boys-who-happen-to-like-dick on Corbin Fisher.

It was a lovely last evening of freedom… except for the fact that we still don’t have any heat. Our boiler shut down again Wednesday night around 8pm, for like, the fifth or six time this winter. Jeffrey left some angry messages for our cheap ass landlord and his questionable “electrician,” while I called 311.

Hopefully, I’ll meet some nice boys next month who will keep me warm. Wow, I can’t believe I just typed that last sentence without barfing.

UPDATE #1: You know what’s worse than not having any heat? Not having any electricity on top of not having any heat. This morning around 8:45am, right when Jeffrey was in the shower, the electricity shut off. Jeffrey and I did a little role reversal and this time I called our landlord while Jeffrey called 311. Jeffrey said that if he had to speak to our landlord right now, there would be death threats. And I could tell that he totally meant it. When I called our landlord he sounded tired and not at all concerned. The best he could do was promise to “try and make some phone calls.” Gee, thanks. I’m pretty anti-confrontational, so in my kindest voice I stressed to him how important it was for us to have heat and electricity. Ridiculous, right? What’s even more ridiculous is that I am afraid of annoying/pissing off our landlord. According to Jeffrey (who is now officially the Heather Locklear to our Melrose Place), our new neighbors upstairs fought so much with our landlord that he told them he would not renew their lease. You would think that after all Jeffrey and I have been through this winter we wouldn’t want our lease renewed either, but after spending hundreds of dollar in paint and countless hours of blood, sweat and tears trying to fix this place up, I am telling you… I’m not going nowhere.

UPDATE #2: Our landlord just stopped by. Jeffrey and I played nice and pretended not to hate him, and he played along by pretending to feel bad. He even offered to move us into a different building of his, which is… weird? Thankfully, our power is back on now and according to my new BFF landlord, a “big” heating company is coming over to look at the boiler, which will hopefully be more effective than the usual cornies he sends over, like the guy who punched holes into Jeffrey’s wall. Now I’m sitting at home waiting for the boiler guy. So at least there’s a silver lining to be found in this madness… I get to be super late for work!

UPDATE #3: The boiler guy was supposed to be here at 11:00am, its now 11:45am. My landlord is not answering his phone and the phone number he gave me for the boiler guy is incorrect. I have to leave for work by noon, whether or not anyone shows up. Shit… I kid you not, just as I typed that last sentence, my radiator started hissing. Someone did something. What a crazy roller coaster of emotional feeling towards my landlord I have been on this morning!

UPDATE #4: Fuck, I spoke too soon. There was lots of shouting coming from the basement. My landlord just came up and told me that they have to replace the boiler… hopefully this weekend. Which means, maybe by next weekend. He told me to buy a space heater and he would reimburse me. Um yeah, I did that back in October the first time the boiler broke down. How about reimbursing me for our sky high electricity bills for the past four months?

DAY 113: Wednesday Night Fun.

Tonight I had an impromptu Project Runway party with Jeffrey, Jeannie, Adam and Lady R. For the pre-party warm-up we watched Intervention, Wife Swap and Janice Dickinson Drag Queen Agency. I made good on one of my many New Years Resolutions by making artichoke dip and a cheese spread. (Yes, I know making a chess spread doesn’t constitute actual cooking… but I just like saying “cheese spread.”) By the time P.R. finally came on we were all tipsy and yelling at the TV… especially when the DVR cut out the last two minutes of the show and we were left hanging on who got Auf ‘ed. Luckily, Jonesela was at home watching it in MN, so I called her for the results. And now, I’m much too drunk for a Wednesday night and I’m getting ready to pass out. I leave you with this Alice-in-Wonderland-like Moment of Zen: