1. D.C.
MD-BF and I had a great time last weekend. I don’t have many pics of D.C., mainly because we steered clear of all the monuments and memorial shit, as they were overpopulated with obnoxious children and their mullet-loving parents. I did however snap a few shots of these fun ladies, who were hanging outside of our hotel:

This one is spying on her friends:

And this one had a little too much fun Friday night:

2. Wednesday Night Supper Club, Resurrected.
This week Lady R., Jeannie, A.Rod and I decided to resurrect our Wednesday Night Supper Club… on a Monday. Our meal was a simple whole wheat pasta dish with red sauce and a melange of whatever veggies Jeannie and A.Rod had in the fridge. We of course had our signature garlic bread and a bottle or two of red. For our movie, we decided to get nostalgic for the 90’s and watch Dick Tracy. I remember being big into D.T. as a child. My favorite character was The Brow:

I think I was a fan because my dad used to get a brow every time he took off his glasses. When the movie first came out I remember being disappointed because The Brow bit it in the very first scene. This time around, eighteen years later (eek!), I still wasn’t impressed. All though Jeannie thought the movie had the most “Saturation [of color] she had seen in years,” we all sort of agreed that Madonna can’t really sing.

3. MD-BF Goes LCB-HDTV!
It finally worked! After month of whispering subliminal messages to him while he slept, my BF got a new flat screen TV:

Now I can go back to whispering about the other thing I want him to buy, my Stanley:

4. My Latest Obsession:
iPhone Scrabble.

I haven’t even finished reading my last two issues of Entertainment Weekly because now all of my precious subway time is now spent trying to get Bingoes. (A bingo is when you lay all seven letters down on the board at once.) So far, I’ve gotten three. I also like trying to play dirty words. For the record, you can use “poon” and “taint,” but not “cunt.”

5. Raul!
This week I went with my (MD)BF to see my other BF (Raul) in Speed the Plow.

He had to be kind of un-sexy and disheveled in the first act, which was a bit disappointing (and a true testament to how good of an actor really he is.) But don’t worry, by act three he was back to being suave and muy caliente. Good looks aside, he could also act circles around the two TV “stars” that he was forced to share the stage with.

6. ANTM.
Okay, I think it’s pretty obvious that McKey is the only one left at this point with even a fraction of the talent that it should take to win this Pony Show. However, let me remind you that this is America’s Next Top Model and that they rarely pick a deserving winner. (Hello, Whitney and Mushroom Head.) A few weeks back I started getting a sneaking suspicion that they were pimping this clown to be this cycle’s unemployable “winner:”

Ugly-pretty? Or just Pretty-annoying?

7. Top Chef.
Yay! Now that we are living in a Project Runway-less world, I am glad to have my Padma & Co. back.

None of the contests really struck me as lovable or loathable just yet. But don’t worry, once I start passing judgment, you’ll be the first to know. That being said, this contestant did stick out to me as being a very convincing drag queen version of Daryl Hannah:

The good news is that I’ve been getting a lot of work done on writing my one-woman show. The bad news: I’m gonna half-ass this blog post.

1. British Invasion.
My BF was in Prauge for the majority of last week, so I quickly found myself in the arms of an ex-lover: My Netflix account. But this time, instead of watching endless reality trash, I’ve become addicted to all things BBC. The main perps:

Next up in my Queue:


2. New Music Obsession #1
One of my co-workers bought me an iTunes giftcard for my b’day… so I went a little crazy on iTunes and I found my new Friday Night Anthem: “Girls Night Out” by the Judds. Love it, love it, love it.
This video is kind of funny. But if you want a really funny video for this song, check out this link. I would LOVE to meet her at a karaoke bar.

3. New Music Obsession #2.
Meet Roisin Murphy. She’s Ireland’s version of Kylie. Unfortunately, only her first album is available on iTunes, and it does not include this song:
Were I a pop star, I would totally make over-the-top videos like this. Sorry Madge, but this beats you dancing around in a purple uni-tard any day.

4. Cookie Time!
Before he left, MD-BF bought me some new cookie cutters to add to my odd collection. Delicious results below:

Needless to say, I’ve been eating cookies all week.

5. Master Cleanse.
To help end my cookie eating habit, Beta and I are thinking of doing the Master Cleanse again. In two weeks. I’m trying to mentally prepare myself now. By eating more cookies.

6. America’s Next Top Model.
Although her picture wasn’t all that great this week, Black Fran Drescher can do no wrong by me.

Even though it seems like Lauren Brie may already have this whole thing in the bag, I’m still rooting for my girl Joslyn. And since after just three weeks she’s the only black girl left… I’m pretty sure that Tyra’s won’t be sending her home anytime soon.

7. Project Runway.
Me elation in this going home:

Was almost ruined by this sticking around:

Oh well, at least I had still had this to keep my spirits up:

Long live Shania Jank!

1. Getting My Groove Back.
I’m happy to report that this time when I say, “I’m working on my show” I actually mean it. MD-BF and I have a new Sunday morning habit of hanging out at Starbucks for a few hours while I work diligently on my show, and he feeds his caffeine addiction. (Okay, we’re both addicted.) In a perfect world I would be writing more than once a week. But in that perfect world, I also wouldn’t have a full time job that got in the way of writing. (Of course, I would also have my Brooklyn Crafting Studio and Amy Sedaris would be my bestie.)

2. Homework.
I have some “research” to do for my show. Currently at home from Netflix, I have a copy of Bye Bye Birdie that I’m trying to force myself to watch. If anyone has a copy of The Vagina Monologues or Madonna’s Truth or Dare (which oddly, isn’t available on Netflix), please let me know. Thanks.

3. Work.
I’m thinking about going back down to four days a week. I’ve been putting in 9-10 hour days anyway. So doesn’t it make sense to only suffer 4 days a week instead of 5? Of course, trying to do 5 days worth of work in 4, may turn those 9-10 hour days into 11-12 hour ones. But at least I’ll have that extra day off to recoup.

4. Yoga.
If I have that extra day off of work I want to start Yoga classes. When I was young, because I spent so much of my free time writing, my parents always teased me that I when I grew up I was gonna be a goateed poet who spent all of my time in coffee shops. And while I can’t deny the coffee shop part of the prediction, it seems that my hippie tendencies have taken me in a different direction. I don’t eat meat and I want to take Yoga. What’s next, I’m gonna throw out my TV? (Doubtful. Especially since I still don’t have one to throw out.)

5. TV.
I have to buy one this week. Top Model premiers on Wednesday!!! Thankfully, my BF is a T.M. junkie too, so I can just watch it at his place. However, there are two other shows premiering this week that I’m too ashamed to watch in front of my BF.

6. Sarah Palin.
Of course I immediately hate her and everything she stands for. However, if just for a moment, I was able to suspend my disbelief and pretend that she wasn’t an evil witch, this photo of her from the NY Times would make me hate her 1% less:

7. Project Runway.

I was a little worried that without my beloved Nina Garcia there this week, the wrong person might get sent home. Thankfully, once I saw that Blayne, Lady Leather and Keith were in the bottom three, I was able to breath a sigh of relief.

Oh Keith, I liked you during Episode One. But as soon as Episode Two hit and I spotting that fucking rattail sprouting out of the back of your head, my distaste for you put you just below Sarah Palin on the Brian Kennedy Scale of Hatred.

Also, who the fuck is this bitch and why does she have her own show on Bravo? For me, she falls right below Meg Ryan on said Scale of Hatred.

Dear The Wire,

Please forgive me for stopping halfway through your final season to get caught up on BSG.

It’s not that I like BSG more than you… but their final season is now on the air and for once, I wanted to be able to start watching it before my wondering eye got the better of me and read all the spoilers.

But now I’m back to you. Full time. Ready to savor your last few episodes and then go into a deep, dark depression after I have no more of you.

I’ve liked what I’ve seen so far this season, but can I just make a few request?

1. Bring Prez back. Even if it’s just for one episode. I miss him.

2. Let those kids have a happy ending! I know this show is more concerned with reality than fluff… but please, don’t let Michael kill anyone. Or be killed. He looks so angry these days!

3. Let Bubbles have a happy ending! I’m so glad that he’s clean. But he’s no better off because of it. Once again, I know that’s real life on the streets, and not Hollywood life on the streets… but come one, Bubs deserves a little peace after all he’s been through.

4. Jimmy and Beadie. Okay, I know there’s no way these two are gonna have a happy ending together. But I can’t stand to see Jimmy treat Beadie like shit! Let them at least reconcile. Also, give Amy Ryan more dialogue. She’s an Oscar-nominated actress!

5. Please resurrect yourself and come back for a 6th season.

That’s all.

xoxo,
B

P.S. If I don’t make it all the way through the episode I plan to start watching tonight… don’t take it personally. I’m just tried from the long run to went on tonight. Also, before I start watching tonight’s episode, I’m going to have to devote a good 20 minutes to reading online recaps for the episodes I already saw this season, but may have forgotten everything that went on. That’s what you get for being a smart, intelligent series with 100’s of characters, that doesn’t dumb anything down for it’s viewers and can’t be bothered with recaps at the beginning of it’s episodes.

Tonight Jeanne and A. Rod had to cancel on our regular Wednesday Night TV Dinner Club… which is fine, because my next culinary creation involves rice. And guess what? Apparently I don’t know how to cook rice.

For dinner the past two nights I have practiced my rice making skillz, and as it turns out, I can’t make one of the simplest dishes known to man. It’s just rice and water. Yet somehow, I manage to screw that up. It’s undercooked and wet, which makes me think that I should leave it in longer… but it’s also sticking to the pan like crazy, which makes me think I should take it off the stove. I’m afraid to stir it, because you’re supposed to avoid doing that if at all possible. And I can’t help but laugh when the directions tell me to “fluff” the rice.

People always ask me if I’m part Asian. So much so, that’s I’ve often wondered if my mom had yellow fever and cheated on my dad with the Asian mailman. But, I guess this is finally proof that I’m 100% full-blooded American.

And speaking off…

THANK YOU AMERICA!!!!!!!!!! For finally voting off that no-talent-ass-clown Kristy Lee Cook!

Today was going to be a big writing day for me. I tried to work on my one man show, but I forgot how hard it is for me to write without a deadline looming over my head.

So instead, I found many aways to distract myself with my computer:

1. Facebook. I adopted a puppy! His name is Stanley and he’s a Miniature Schnauzer. His likes are getting in to trouble and reality TV, and he dislike are cats and babies. Isn’t he adorable?

2. iTunes. I have a love/hate relationship with Kayne. I hate him, but I love this song:

3. Netflix. Now that I actually have cable, I have to play catch up with BSG: Season 3, so that I can watch Season 4 in time with everyone else and not have to worry about major plot points being spoiled. Nerdy, huh?

Today I had a very busy, very full TV-watching schedule. It all began this morning when I decided to re-watch the highlights of Tuesday’s American Idol before work. Then, I left work early knowing that I had to come home and watch 2 hours of The Biggest Loser, before heading back into the city for a friend’s show. Thankfully, the subway gods were on my side, and I got home with just enough time to also cram in the first half of Tuesday’s Big Brother. Once I got back from my friend’s show, I finished off Tuesday’s BB and got right into Wednesday’s episode. After that it was time for the American Idol Results Show. Although it was 1:30am by the time I was done with A.I., seeing my hubby David Hernandez get voted off left a bad taste in my mouth, so I decided to wash it down with some America’s Next Top Model. The only show I didn’t get to tonight was the premier of Top Chef, which I should be able to squeeze in tomorrow between Survivor and Make Me A Supermodel.

And this is exactly why I don’t have/need a boyfriend.

Except for this one:

R.I.P.

The shit is about to hit the fan at Gay Gardens. Or rather, it already has and now the fan has spread it all around, forcing Jeffrey and I to live in a shit-spattered apartment.

Here’s the short version of what’s going on:

*Our slum landlord is a jerk.

*Jeffrey’s floor is sinking into the basement.

*Jeffrey has to start literally living in the the living room, as the city comes to tear up our floors.

*We have stopped paying the rent.

For the complete story, check out Jeffrey’s blog.

In other, very important news, here are my Idol votes for the evening:

(Yes, I know my beloved Herndog wasn’t very good this week. But I voted with my penis on that one.)

Today was a little more productive for me. No, I didn’t look for a new job or shop for dress clothes to wear to my old job, should I keep it. But I did manage to do my laundry, Swiffer our hardwood floors, and do my least favorite thing in the entire world: clean the bathroom. Ish.

I’d almost rather be back at work than clean the bathroom. Almost.

And speaking of work…

WARNING: If you don’t want to read more boring work drama, skip to the end of this post where I talk about my American Idol voting(!)

At the pharmacy, I work in the dungeon. There are three of us that work down there: Myself, another technician, and a pharmacist who gets paid 3x as much as me and the other technician, but does 1/30th the work. She honestly has no idea what is going on. Her job is to e-mail her friends all day long and annoy me endlessly. Oh yeah, she also like to do her uptight, white girl dance (and sing-a-long) to my iPod. This is especially funny/sickening when I put on 50 Cent.

Now normally, I wouldn’t blog about my co-workers, because it has gotten me in hot water before. But now that I could care less about keeping my job, I’m allowing my silence to be broken.

Seriously, this woman sucks. I have already created two characters for my “Writing for a One Person Show Class” that are based on how stupid she is.

Because the universe is on my side, the other tech that I work with (who I absolutely adore) hasn’t been able to come into work since Monday. (She only works part time to begin with, and now there’s been some drama with her future baby’s daddy that needs attending to.)

So now, for the past two days, Stupidhead has been downstairs all alone. I can’t even imagine what sort of mess is going on. (I like the image Beta conjured up: Pills everywhere!)

I’m being mean, I know. So let’s talking about something else: American Idol!!!

I know you’ve all been dying to know who I voted for this week. Well, let your curiosity be quenched:

1 VOTE:

3 VOTES:

12+ VOTES (I lost count):

As I’ve been bitching about the past few days, my work is now enforcing a strict dress code… which means that I am seriously considering quitting, or better yet, getting fired.

Monday I showed up in my usual attire (sneakers, jeans, t-shirt, hoodie) and got a verbal warning. The next time I show up looking so unprofessional(!) I get sent home without pay. The third time I choose to defy the corporate gods, I get fired.

In order to buy myself some more time before making a stupid decision that I might regret, just to be able to say that I held my head high and took a stand for what I believe in… I’ve decided to burn up the rest of my vacation days. So now I have today, Wednesday and Thursday off. Friday I’m safe because it’s “Casual Friday.” But come Monday, I have a big decision to make.

I told myself that I was going to take these next three days to start looking for another job. Yeah right. These next three days are more like a sneak preview of what my life as an unemployed slob is going to be like. I didn’t think it was possible for me to spend even more time on the internet and in front of the TV. But somehow I managed to get even less things accomplished, with 8 extra hours added to my day.

In my defense, I did clean the kitchen today. But I think I only did that because Biggest Loser was on, and I made a promise to myself at the beginning of the B.L. season that I could only watch B.L. if I was doing something productive at the same time. (How else could I justify allowing myself to watch a two hour reality show about people working out?)

Once the kitchen was spotless, I rewarded myself with half a pot cookie, some American Idol, a little Big Brother, and a few classic episodes of Arrested Development.

So basically, I sat around all night and watched TV like it was my job. Which right now… it sort of is.