DAY 227: Retail Therapy.

For the past two days, in order to cheer myself up while back at home, I did some retail therapy. Of course for me, retail therapy does not include buying new clothes for myself. It involves buying new kitsch.

And let me tell you, I went all out this time. My new purchases include, but are not limited to:

1. Cornelius Piggywinkle the Homosexual Swine

This is not actually a new purchase. I bought it last summer, but couldn’t fit it into my suitcase to bring back to NY at the time. So my dear Jonesela has been holding on to it for me. Big ups to Jonesie too, considering she’s been living on someone’s couch for the past couple of months… I’m very impressed that she’s kept Piggywinkle this long. But now he is happy to be living in NYC, where his homosexuality and flamboyant personality is not as stifled and looked down upon.

2. A Ziplock Baggie Full of Ridiculous Hair Bows/Clips.

(As modeled by Piggywinkle.) Do I have a need for women’s hair bows/clips? Absolutely not. But come on, those look pretty awesome, right?

3. Glassware.

I can’t decide if I want to use these as candle holders for the backyard, or giant shot glasses. Doesn’t a lemon drop sound really good right about now?

This lovely set of 8 that I bought makes me feel like it’s 1974 and I’m at a Key Party

4. Glasses.

If I wanted to be a real Hipster, I would wear these out in public unironically. Or ironically. I’m not sure which… which is why I could never be a real Hipster.

Um… I don’t know how to flip this picture. But it sorta adds to the funness of it, right?

5. Religious Dishware.

At first I thought that this would be a fun plate to serve hors d’oeuvres on. But then I read on the back that it is not for food use, as “plate may poison food.” So I guess I’ll have to save it for when entertaining my mortal enemies.

6. Plaid Shirts.

Earlier this spring, after a totally unjustified shopping spree at H&M, I declared white and navy to be my summer colors. Well, turns out I was wrong. Plaid is in this summer. Lots of plaid.

This shirt is an exact match of the jumpers that the girls in my grade school had to wear. I finally get to let my inner grade school girl shine! (Also, notice how my jaundice face almost matches the butter-yellow wall? Nice, huh?)

7. Tiger Pattern!

I have no idea what I am going to do with this… but it is mos def my favorite purchase.

8. Old Lady Track Suit.

Again, I have no need for this. It doesn’t even fit me. (Lord, how I wish it did!) But for $2.95, who am I to say no?

God, I feel 100% better already!