Tonight was a milestone in my comedy career… I got paid to do improv! Although, considering how hilarious (and blog-worthy) the situation was, I totally would have done it for free.
Beta (a half-Jew) knows at least 4 of the 8 million people living in Manhattan. Through one of her more Jewish connections, she was asked to perform at a Shabbat dinner for Columbia grad students. Beta and I were the only people in our regular improv group (Shark Tank) that could do the show, so we asked some friends (Jeffrey, PW and S-Class) to perform with us.
My main concern for the show wasn’t that the five of us had never practiced together before. Instead, I was nervous because we were asked to keep the show rated PG. The last time Beta and I performed with “special guest” (Jeffrey and Codsie) it was probably our bluest show ever. I was so drunk, that it’s hard for me to recall specifics, but I do have a few fuzzy memories of some erotic poetry, peppered in with a little statutory rape. Comedy!
When we arrived at the dinner, we were definitely the odd-gentiles-out. Besides not being Jewish, we were also quite dressed down. Even though I guess the comic’s dress code is supposed to be somewhat disheveled and casual, I still felt like we were posers. When we first got there, someone asked us if we did improv professionally. Hilarious!
Comedy and Hilarity were the themes for the evening. Besides hiring us as the entertainment, they were also serving kosher Chinese food, which we were invited to eat.
But before we could eat, there were many, many prayers to be sung. They had “Shabbat Notes” (designed to look like Cliff Notes) on every table so that us non-Jews could follow along. And as if it wasn’t already obvious enough, S-Class told the three real Jews who were unfortunate enough to be stuck at a table with us, that we weren’t really Jewish.
Although the Shabbat Notes were supposed to guide us, they only confused me more with quotes such as, “Shabbat means being fully aware of the apple tree but having no judgments, plans, or prospects for it.” Right…
After the meal it was showtime! Normally, if we were playing for a group of college students, I would expect everyone to be drunk, and therefore laughing at anything that came out of our mouths. However, these were grad students, who are apparently much more serious. Also, no one was drinking, except for a dixie cup’s worth of wine we were given at the beginning of the meal. While we got a few laughs, I don’t think the crowd was really digging our goyish humor.
Once we were done semi-entertaining them, we tried to make our exit. However, we made the mistake of sitting back down at our table for a moment, which led to us having to sit through 5 pages of “After the Meal Blessings.”
On our way out (finally), I grabbed my Shabbat Notes, because it had a recipe for making Challah (Holla!) bread. I planned to rip the recipe out and just throw the rest of the booklet away. However, now I feel guilty after seeing this on the bottom of page two: “This booklet is yours to keep. If you do not wish to keep it, please return it to Hillel as it contains sacred texts.”
Oops. Good thing Jews don’t believe in hell, otherwise I might be going there.
1 response so far ↓
S-Clas // March 11, 2008 at 9:41 pm
I was trying to let them know that we weren’t saying the prayers because we were ignorant yet kind gentiles, not judgemental jews who were too cool to be reciting prayers. I also talk more when I feel awkward, usually making things more awkward than before. Success!